A New Era

So my birthday was this past week. And yes while I know that turning 30 is not the end of the world for some reason I have never looked forward to this particular day. I had so many well wishes and sweet cards that I couldnt help but feel loved.  Which really got me thinking about how hard we are on ourselves and the ability our mental attitude has on ruining so many occasions in our life. All because we allow it too. I know for me I am hard on myself when it comes to my parenting style, my marriage, my friendships, my devotion to the Lord and time in prayer, what I feed my family, how much I work out, the list is literally unending. All of which made me realize how hard I am on myself and how I am cheapening the life that I have by always pushing and never just allowing myself to be. Dont get me wrong I love the feeling after a good workout and the adrenaline from pushing myself. I love knowing that my family is well fed and that I was able to make it from scratch which is something a lot of people are not able to do because of time, situation, etc. However I know I cheapen the sweet encouraging words my husband whispers to me by my ability to compare on the spot. By not allowing myself to fully embrace what he is saying to me. I know that I rush through bed time with my kids way too often and then moments later feel so sad that I missed out on a sweet tender time that they needed and desired to share with me because my mind wasn't focused on them but on what I can accomplish, do, or have after they are down. Why do I do this?
My desire is to slow down and allow myself to be late to a play date, to soak up every tender comment my husband says and not combat it or try and find the hidden agenda. To not assume that my boys are trying to be frustrating and exhausting but that they desire their mom. That is ME.
We are just out of an intense busy season as a family through which I have seen my husband grow, take on challenges, lead us and guide us. I have seen my boys turn from little kids into boys that I crave to know better.
The lessons I learned in my 20s have and will serve me well and I am looking forward to the next 10 years and the many new challenges, faces, blessings, friends, and lessons that are to come with it.
By slowing down and taking time to combat the voice in my head that I am not enough and that my actions are futile will be fought with furious might and it will not prove victorious. I am a beloved daughter of the King, a wife to the most amazing man, and the mother to 2 (soon to be 3) precious boys that will one day lead and pursue and fight for those they love. I have a lot of responsibility but comparing myself is not one of them.
I am not sure the point or the message of this post except that I hope we all realize what we have and take the time to just be there in the moment instead of rushing from one this to another.

Happy Fall!

xoxo
Brekken 

Conquering the Green Eyed Monster

You know those days or weeks where you are struggling with contentment? Well for me I had one of those days this past week. Ok well in complete and total transparency it was more like the whole week where I was being taught and drug through the mud on contentment. Dont get me wrong! I love my life, my husband, all my boys, our little home on a busy street, and the fact that we work in public safety. However I was battling that little demon, the green eyed monster. I was constantly being drawn to where other people were on their financial journey, how other moms were homeschooling and the way they handled and collected their materials with such ease and grace. How we are working so hard to stick to a budget and our goals so that when we sell the house in a few months we will be setting ourselves up for more options and  how it feels like so many others around me are able to go and do without feeling guilty. All on top of beginning the nesting period and wanting to spend every minute cleaning, painting, rearranging, and sprucing up our home. I was reminded of the verse in Philippians that says:

So that is what I have been focusing on. I have decided that my goal is to totally get ready for this baby on the $100 budget that we set. That the busy street and loud annoying motorcycles that go by every day at 3:35 will not be a source of frustration but I will pray protection over their bodies and driving ability. That I will rejoice with those that are where I am working towards being. That I will not compare my homeschooling ability to that of other moms who have many years experience on me but that I will learn from them and watch them and see what works best for my family and with the temperament of child the Lord has blessed me with. That I will not let me story and my legacy be one of comparison, frustration, and annoyance but rather one of joy, grace, patience, faith, and an overflowing love for the Lord.
After making this decision I got hit with the itch to get a dresser for the new campers room. I searched Craigslist, Yard Sale sites, Facebook yard sale pages, even asked my mom to keep her eye out. Then two days ago I simply prayed, "Lord, you are in control of this and if it takes me the rest of this pregnancy to find a dresser that will fit in the space and in our budget that is ok. Take it because it is stressing me out." Not 2 hours later we were dropping things off at Goodwill(I told you, cleaning, purging, nesting happening over here!) and what do we see as soon as we get to the furniture section. A solid wood dresser, not too deep, not too big, and not falling apart, and best of all for $15!! What? I was like snatch this up before someone else does because that thing is mine!!
I guess my point to this entire post is the Lord has you right where you are for a reason. We may not think it glamorous or where you want to be but His ways are not our ways. He desires good for you and not evil. He desires to grant you the desires of your heart and show off in a big way for you! Trust Him in His timing and trust His plan for you. It is worth it and your faith will grow by leaps and bounds as will the joy that you find in Him.
Praying blessings over you today and a spirit of contentment.

Isnt it ugly?? lol

Amazing what a little paint can do!!! I love it and it fits perfectly in the little space we have!  Thank you Lord for providing as only you can do!

Moving things around

We are expecting baby #3 this Christmas and while we are overly excited and anxious for this new little one to get here our little house is having to be rearranged to accommodate the addition. We have been blessed with the ability to finish the basement as a play room and slowly but surely we are converting half of it into the school room. Thankfully we have the majority of what we need and just need to finish it off with a few minor touches! Looking forward to a new space and purging my school supplies!!! How do I already have so much??
On the other hand the old school room will be converted into the nursery/office and I am so ready to get my hands on it! The only room that we have not painted in all the years at this house and oh man does it need it. Ready to freshen things up and get things in order. I guess you can say the nesting has begun really early...?
Stay tuned for the before and afters of the nursery and let me know what fun ideas you have to brighten up our school space!

I guess this is the beginning...

I guess this is the beginning...

I have been thinking and praying about beginning to blog. I not only have been trying to figure out the point of starting thus blog but the message I want to send through it. I am not a life style blogger, I am not a foodie although I love a good beautifully prepared meal. I'm not a fashionista or a world traveler.  I am just a girl who is trying my hardest to figure this whole adult thing out. My pictures are not the most artistic and my life at times is down right hard. However, I have a story and my family has a vision and I am confident that there are others of you out there who need to hear what I have to put out there. I am not a poet and my husband makes fun of my horrible spelling all the time(consider yourself warned!).
But what I am is this, I am real. I am honest. I am straight forward and I love people. I am a woman who has been through trials, gone far away from the Lord, suffered miscarriages and lost loved ones. I am a wife whose husband works long hours, who is trying my hardest to be the best for my family and still have enough to invest in my marriage and self at the end of the day. I am an athlete, a cook, a teacher, an entrepreneur, a daughter/sister/friend, and I am a loved redeemed child of God. I am excited to grow through this process and meet amazing women along the way!
I pray that this will be a place you find encouragement, wisdom, laughter, and humility. More then anything I pray this is a place you see the Lord working.