So my birthday was this past week. And yes while I know that turning 30 is not the end of the world for some reason I have never looked forward to this particular day. I had so many well wishes and sweet cards that I couldnt help but feel loved. Which really got me thinking about how hard we are on ourselves and the ability our mental attitude has on ruining so many occasions in our life. All because we allow it too. I know for me I am hard on myself when it comes to my parenting style, my marriage, my friendships, my devotion to the Lord and time in prayer, what I feed my family, how much I work out, the list is literally unending. All of which made me realize how hard I am on myself and how I am cheapening the life that I have by always pushing and never just allowing myself to be. Dont get me wrong I love the feeling after a good workout and the adrenaline from pushing myself. I love knowing that my family is well fed and that I was able to make it from scratch which is something a lot of people are not able to do because of time, situation, etc. However I know I cheapen the sweet encouraging words my husband whispers to me by my ability to compare on the spot. By not allowing myself to fully embrace what he is saying to me. I know that I rush through bed time with my kids way too often and then moments later feel so sad that I missed out on a sweet tender time that they needed and desired to share with me because my mind wasn't focused on them but on what I can accomplish, do, or have after they are down. Why do I do this?
My desire is to slow down and allow myself to be late to a play date, to soak up every tender comment my husband says and not combat it or try and find the hidden agenda. To not assume that my boys are trying to be frustrating and exhausting but that they desire their mom. That is ME.
We are just out of an intense busy season as a family through which I have seen my husband grow, take on challenges, lead us and guide us. I have seen my boys turn from little kids into boys that I crave to know better.
The lessons I learned in my 20s have and will serve me well and I am looking forward to the next 10 years and the many new challenges, faces, blessings, friends, and lessons that are to come with it.
By slowing down and taking time to combat the voice in my head that I am not enough and that my actions are futile will be fought with furious might and it will not prove victorious. I am a beloved daughter of the King, a wife to the most amazing man, and the mother to 2 (soon to be 3) precious boys that will one day lead and pursue and fight for those they love. I have a lot of responsibility but comparing myself is not one of them.
I am not sure the point or the message of this post except that I hope we all realize what we have and take the time to just be there in the moment instead of rushing from one this to another.
Happy Fall!
xoxo
Brekken
